Hey there again! Hahaha it's been a while. As most of you know, I am PREGNANT! We're beyond excited over here and I just wanted to share with you our little story since last time I was sharing our miscarriage.
After I miscarried at the end of May I was positive we were going to wait until the new year to start trying again for another baby. My miscarriage brought a whole new thing into my life and that thing is called depression. For anyone that suffers with depression on a daily basis or has for years, my heart goes out to you. It is something that you can't explain and should never be frowned upon if you seek professional help. Because of this hard time, most of my friends and family completely understood why I wanted to wait a while. I had not prepared myself AT ALL for a miscarriage and wanted to be prepared (mentally) if it happened a second time.
Well, came August and both my husband and I started getting the feelings it was time, but we postponed. My doctor told me to have at least one normal period before trying again so my body could regulate from the miscarriage. Then one night at the beginning of August I had a dream that really prompted me that it was time, but I still wanted to talk about it with Phil. So we went to the temple and there received the answer it was time again.
Was I nervous? Oh BEYOND nervous. I was still crying and scared that I could miscarry again. I found out I was pregnant pretty soon after and took the test while Phil was at work. The clear blue test you have to wait for what seems like FOREVER for the words to pop up so I just paced my bedroom floor. I prayed while waiting and told Heavenly Father that whatever was His will is fine with me. When I saw the words pregnant I cried tears of happiness. Just writing all of this right now brings back those tears! I jumped up and down with excitement and then fell to my knees to thank God for what this amazing blessing. Phil later came home and this is what he came home to that day.
In that was a cute onesie I bought super fast at Wal Mart. Hahaha so creative, I know.
He was so shocked and also cried. Shhh.... don't tell I said anything ;) If I remember right, we celebrated with ice cream!
We (mostly me!) was scared to say anything until 12 weeks in fear that I would miscarry and so I had to hide in baggy clothes. I got so bloated so fast. But I found that after I pee the bloat went away.... Hahahaha I have a tiny little pudge and hate this stage of "is she gaining weight or is she pregnant?". It's a little hard! Hahaha but all fun and games. I consider myself incredibly lucky that I only had horrible nausea from about week 4-7 and then only threw up 2 times. I feel so bad for the women that throw up every day the first trimester!
8 weeks and 4 days ultrasound. The ultrasound tech call him/her our little nugget and that nickname has now stayed.
Took him/her to the suns game (even though we played HORRIBLE that night). Teaching them young!
Please ignore my horribly messy bathroom.....
12 weeks and 5 days! You can make out the head and little foot up by his/her face. We also got to hear the heartbeat that day. Isn't that the most amazing sound?
I know what it's like to not be pregnant, recently lost a baby, and have to look at (what seems like) everyone on social media posting pictures of their bump, baby clothes, strollers, ultrasounds, pregnancy announcements, births, etc. I don't sugarcoat this when I say that it SUCKS. It sucks big time. I can't even imagine the women that have been trying for months or years and can't get pregnant and how they must feel when seeing those posts. So in short, I have decided to not post that much about my pregnancy. I want this to be more personal between my husband and I. I found that social media made my depression worse when I miscarried. For me personally, it was toxic and addictive. I feel as though I can find just as much happiness when keeping my life to myself and family. In no way am I saying this to offend anyone and I am sorry if it does because that was not my intention at all. It's just a personal decision of mine :)
I feel beyond blessed that Heavenly Father has given me this opportunity to create life and raise this spirit son or daughter of his. I am so lucky that I get Phil by my side for all of this too. He is sooooo good with kids and I know he will be an even better dad. Everything happens for a reason and Heavenly Father has a different plan for each and every one of us, so just stay strong and have faith in His plan!
Thanks for reading and I hope you all have a great week!
